


Sorry Can't Save Me Now

by historicaldestiels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Episode: s08e17 Goodbye Stranger, Heavy Angst, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, i cried while i wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 15:42:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20028262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/historicaldestiels/pseuds/historicaldestiels
Summary: *goodbye stranger, 8x17* 'I need you.’ Little did Dean know; his last words would be a plea and a name.(goodbye stranger 8x17 alternate ending)





	Sorry Can't Save Me Now

**Author's Note:**

> Play Listen Before I Go by Billie Eilish while you read- it really sets a mood! I listened to that on loop while I wrote this!

Pain. 

That’s all Dean can register, aside from the dullness in Castiel’s eyes, the uncharacteristic malice in his expression. His broken arm aches, blood pours from his nose, the right side of his face is bloodied and feels like his skull is caving in. But he isn’t paying attention to that anymore. He’s begging, pleading, with Castiel because he can’t do anything else. He can’t bring himself to hurt Cas, because he knows deep down that this isn’t his Cas. “Please,” He shouts, ignoring the splitting pain when he speaks. 

Another blow comes, and he groans with the force of it, tilting toward the ground. His body is screaming at him just to keel over and let it happen, let Cas kill him. It’s not like he doesn’t spend nights contemplating if he’ll pull the trigger, how he’ll word the note. But he doesn’t give in. He won’t go quietly, not yet. He needs to save Cas from himself first. "Cas, I know you’re in there. I know you can hear me. Please, it’s me.” 

Cas tilts his head slightly to the left, blade held high in his hand. Dean’s gaze doesn’t waver from his, and Dean holds up a hand protectively. “We’re family,” His voice wavers as he says it, with words better left unsaid. “We need you. I need you.” 

_I need you. _It’s such an understatement for how Dean feels, but he can’t possibly put the longing, the urge to just hold Cas tight and save him every time, never let him slip through his grasp like every other lover into words. How could you put something like that into words? You can’t. So, he leaves it at I need you. 

“Cas,” he begs, and he can see the debate in those beautiful blue eyes, the ones he lets himself drown in. He stares, and stares, and waits for the message to get through. Just once, maybe he’ll get to keep someone he loves- 

The blade plunges into his chest, cutting off every thought and replacing it with blinding pain all centered in the lower part of his chest, just under where his sternum ends. He gasps, but no sound comes out. He’s frozen, warm wet spreading over his chest. He falls backward, his hand slipping. It jolts the angel blade still in his chest, causing another shooting pain. Dark sparks color his vision. 

Cas leaves him bleeding to retrieve the angel tablet. Dean vaguely notices the tablet flash gold, Castiel gasping and dropping it, and god his limbs feel so heavy, his thoughts are bleeding together, _Cas please Sammy where are you I’m sorry please just let me breathe I’m not ready not ready NOT READY- _

Cas is standing over him, he looks like he’s yelling. Something wet streaks down Dean’s cheeks, and his chest feels too tight. He can’t breathe. A soundless gasp. The vague sensation of Castiel’s hands cupping his cheeks, of an angel’s tears mixing with his. Cas looks like he’s shouting, maybe something like “hold on, please, no,” His eyes roll back in his head. The world goes black. 

_It's okay, _ he thinks, his last thoughts hazy and disjointed, words he’ll never get to say. _Please don’t cry. Keep Sam safe for me, okay? I love you both. _

_Goodbye, Castiel. Goodbye, Sammy. _

The pain fades, and so does Dean.   
\------ 

Somewhere in his muddled, Naomi-controlled mind, Cas had known this would be coming. Naomi wanted the Winchesters dead, especially the one that kept getting in her way. He’d done this thousands of times in thousands of ways in simulations. He never expected to do it for real. He’d never expected to see his blade in Dean’s chest, Dean’s blood on his hands. His hands shake as he watches the light leave Dean’s eyes, juniper eyes closing, his chest stops rising and falling. The blade drops with a clatter to the floor after Cas gingerly pulls the blade out, with a sickening suck sound. 

He’s not sure what he’s doing- he's never really cried before. For a moment, he thinks he’s somehow suffocating, that maybe the angel tablet had a curse or warding on it, but he soon realizes he’s sobbing. He’s holding onto Dean, who’s dead because of him, another death that’s all his fault. It’s like he’s cursed, cursed with death following his every footstep. 

He’s holding onto Dean, cradling him in his arms, but Dean’s limp. His own sobs are the only sounds echoing through the empty crypt, a melancholy soundtrack to a death come too early. He’s rocking back and forth, hands cradling Dean’s head to his shoulder. “Dean, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” He’s repeating, like a broken record. A shattered, broken record that was broken when it was made. A crack in the chassis. A crack that led to unnecessary deaths. 

“Cas? What the hell happened?” Sam asks. Funny, Cas hadn’t even heard his footsteps. He was too busy seeing Dean’s smile in his head, listening to him sing along to a song in the Impala. Things he’d never do again. “Cas?” 

“Sam, I’m- I’m sorry,” Cas chokes out. He can’t breathe and he hates it. He wonders what Dean’s last thoughts were but stops himself from going down that rabbit hole. 

“What? Why are you- oh my god,” Sam walks around Cas and sees Dean. He goes pale white and collapses to his knees. “Is he dead?”   
Cas nods. It’s the only thing he can do now. His chest hurts. Why was he too late to save him? Why didn’t he fight harder? _Why did I let Naomi get in my head? _

Sam starts crying, but silently. Cas watches his shoulders shudder, the tears shining like crystal rolling down his cheeks. Cas wonders what he’s thinking. Is he remembering moments with his brother? Is he recalling their last fight? Is he mulling over words he never got to say? Cas, at least, knows his answer to the last question. 

_I’m so, so sorry. _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and leave a comment and kudos!


End file.
